May Your Daughters Be Surgically Altered

What is the worst children's book ever?

My vote is the one about Mommy getting plastic surgery.
Yeah, that's real: My Beautiful Mommy by Doctor Michael Salzhauer (a plastic surgeon with good intentions whom I can not relate to), illustrated by Vic Guiza. 
You illustrated a midriff-baring mommy and a super-hero-broad-shouldered surgeon? Really, Vic? 
I read it in horror at a bookstore a few years ago. I had all these brilliant and insightful thoughts about the portrayal of gender roles in books, and then my brain kind of melted, and all I could think about was the ridiculousness of this book. A mother gets a tummy tuck, boob job, and nose job--but don't worry, even though she's bruised up, she'll feel better... and end up beautiful. 'Cause she wasn't beautiful before, but the doctor fixed her, and when you--ugly red-headed girl--when you grow up, the doctor will fix you, too. It doesn't say that last part, but the rest is an accurate summary, and no, I do not recommend this book.

*Don't get me wrong, I'm not adamantly against plastic surgery, but a tuck, lift and nose? I have a hard time believing it's worth it to have weeks of painful recovery, risk blood clotting and infection, and pay a fortune to look thinner than a Barbie at what appears to be age twenty-nine.

Just thought you needed something funny and just a little mean on a Thursday.  

What's the worst (in kind of a funny way) children's book you've ever read?

1 comment:

  1. Oh, come on Anna, I too used to scoff at mommy makeovers--until I had a baby. Now I am eagerly awaiting the end of my childbearing duties so I can have a boob lift.

    Just kidding. Kind of.

    The worst children's book I ever came across was The English Roses by none other than Madonna. It's a morality tale about a beautiful, intelligent, perfect girl who all the other girls are jealous of and treat horribly. The moral is that we should be nice to people who are prettier, more talented and more enlightened than we are because even they don't have perfect lives and it can be rough being so perfect. I can't imagine what inspired Madonna to write this story.


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